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18 April 2015 @ 04:56 pm
Battling depression is not an easy thing. And I am struggling right now. I can barely control my sadness and it is over whelming. Maybe it's because my boyfriend hasn't found a job and our fiances are rough.

Maybe it's because I haven't lost weight as quickly as I thought I would with my surgery.

Maybe it's because my boyfriend is so emotionally closed off and can be down right hurtful when he is in a bad mood. Or the fact I seem to be the one that has to work on my personality flaws more than he is. Or maybe it's his insenisivity.

I really don't know. But right now I feel like emotional garbage and haven't been able to stop crying for a while now.

I don't even think how hurtful he can e towards me because he just doesn't understand why I think the way I do. And constantly tells me I am wrong.

I am starting to have doubts. And I am scared shit less.

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to hate myself and feel like there is something wrong with me. But that is how I constantly feel. And he makes me feel like that. That there is something wrong with me. But only me.

No matter how hard I try nothing seems to work out in my favor. Maybe it's time I just give up.

I know he loves me. I just wish he was more sensitive and empathetic. But no matter how many times I ask him to work on it. He doesn't.

Doubts have definitely begun.
28 March 2014 @ 07:39 am

So I am taking a friends advice. I deserve love and romance as I am now. My current body type.

And as I lose weight and improve my health, my partner and I can enjoy it more.

So I signed up for a new dating website and a singles group on Facebook. So we will see how it goes.

06 June 2012 @ 12:11 pm

I am going to make a promise to myself. I am going to open my mind more and try new things. I am going to start trying new foods and other things. I want to better myself.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

19 May 2012 @ 03:10 pm

I want to talk to him so badly. I miss him so damn much it's almost unbearable.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

09 May 2012 @ 06:27 pm

I've come to the conclusion no one is going to love me the way I am. No one is going to want or love me as I currently look. I need to change completely.

Better get started.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: Canada, Manitoba, Kildonan
11 March 2009 @ 11:29 pm
What's the worst job you've ever had?
 Working for the Royal Fork Buffet. Oh my god. The job it self wasn't bad or terribly hard to do. It was  two managers in particular that made it absolutely unbearable. If you didn't get on these managers good sides your day was absolute hell. And they would give you crap shifts and even purposely give you shifts you couldn't work and then blame you. It was just hell.

13 January 2007 @ 02:27 pm
I am a long time livejournal user, but my old journal will remain my little secret.

This journal is Friends Only. You must comment to be added, and you need to add me as a friend before I add you. It's one of the 'rules' of my journal.

Inside this journal you will find,

Rants and Raves, Controversy, Questionaries/Surveys, Roleplay posts, Updates on my Novel and Insanity.

So, Welcome to the Asylum

Current Mood: chipperchipper